e@out patient: Avoid ER, Especially on Weekends

Because the regular clinic was closed on Sunday Ensay was directed to ER to get transfusion; so when mom took him there, it took the whole day to get all the process done.  The ER has its own protocols and because our regular doctor could not put any orders in, everything took much longer to process.  But the transfusion was done smoothly and he was back at home by the evening.

We are waiting for the BMB report early this week, and many more questions to answer but at the same time requesting peaceful heart and mind from God because everything (and all the drills we go through) make us anxious more than anything.  On top of that, why does it have to happen right when we arrive at church (both my wife and I missed the worship services with this last-minute happening)?  When I tried to listen to my pastor's sermon online, the recording is not available this week due to some technical problems.  Boy, someone's really trying hard to distract us.

I PRAY for Ensay so he would stay encouraged and keep his spirit up.  He is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator and  I need to remind him of that more often.  I love him so much, and proud of him witnessing how he's handling all the various situations.

e@out patient: Low Platelets

as soon as we arrived to church this morning ensay noticed some bleeding around his gum line as well as a spot on his tongue. because he also had a nose bleed this morning the doctor asked him to get to ER to get some
platelets transfused so his mom took him there while I stayed to teach my Sunday school.

I PRAY that his situation will stabilize soon.

e@out patient: Successfully Drawn BMB

the doctor just came out to notify us that biopsy procedure was completes successfully and he is waking up in the recovery room. he also mentioned that the samples look great and priliminary lab results will be out within next hour but full report will be out in couple of days.  So, we'll update you with the report as soon as we hear from the doctor.

I PRAY that he won't be on much pain in next few days.

e@out patient: got bone marrows?

Thanks to your prayers the transfusion went smoothly without any complications.

Early tomorrow morning is when the bone marrow biopsy is scheduled.  In order to rule out sampling errors the doctor is going to take from two different bones which means more pain for Ensay to endure afterwards.

I PRAY for all the doctors and staff to coordinate smoothly the overall process from registration, preparation, general anesthesia, extraction, and recovery; and to allow Ensay to have a peaceful heart.  Would you also show Yourself in this process for us to recognize that You are in control?

Psalm 139:12-14
Even the darkness is not dark to You, 
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

e@out patient: got blood?

This has been a busy week already but it's not over yet.  Ensay is scheduled for a hemoglobin transfusion tomorrow followed by another bone marrow biopsy on Friday.  Would you pray that:

1. His body will not develop any allergic reaction to the transfusion
2. Bone marrow biopsy procedure will be smooth and he won't feel much pain afterwards
3. General anesthesia will be delivered and cleared cleanly without any side effects
4. His bone marrow to be found in sound state -- all the factories in good operations
5. Ensay's heart be protected and His indwelling Spirit to cover him with peace.

We so much rely on and appreciate your prayers.  Thank you!

e@out patient: A New Chapter

I feel like we're starting a new chapter now with Ensay's situation.  The change in condition may be due to the initial treatments' wearing off in his system but the doctors are concerned for not only low platelets but decreasing hemoglobin as well.

The platelet transfusion went almost smoothly but he developed some allergic reaction so he received some Benadryl which knocked him out and he still needs to be on it for 24 hours so he will need to rest some more today.  The poor guy is going through a lot these days and yet he keeps his spirit up so I am very grateful.  In fact, the "2 Cor 5:17" bracelet he wears allowed him to share God's word -- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! -- with his doctor today when he asked what that was about.

The 20th anniversary lunch I was going to have with my wife turned into a more memorable day to reflect on how thankful we are each and every day with such a blessed family He's allowed us to enjoy each other with.  Besides, I got to spend the whole afternoon with my lover for 27 years!  Thank You, God.

I continue to PRAY that God's healing touch will work His miracles in Ensay's body to balace things back to normal down to every blood cell.

e@out patient: got platelets?

a month after our initial encounter with this phenomena we are still in the search mode of what is causing all this. in the mean time ensay has been seeing the doctor regularly and today his doctor decided to transfuse some platelets because it is almost non-existent in his blood system. this may be the cause for more petechiae inside his mouth.

this should increase the platelets providing more security and also to monitor the platelet counts over next few days. we are currently in the waiting room at LPCH for the platelet transfusion.

doctors may request another bone marrow biopsy next week to validate what is happening down in the "factory" level. I PRAY that the factory is very productive in a very healthy condition.

so as you can see, the situation has not changed much from a month ago. good news is, though, our God's faithfulness and His amazing power has not changed to be living and active in our lives since the beginning of times and that is what sustains us through all of these ups and downs.

in light of this season of Easter when Jesus gave His blood to save all mankind I am praying that His power in the blood will be transfused into ensay's blood stream.

e@home: Are We There Yet?

I remember the days whenever we take a family trip, our kids would ask, "Are we there yet?" every other minute.  They are anxious to reach the destination and wished they can travel through a time warp instead of traveling at 65 MPH in a car.  Right now, I am like that -- I'm asking God, "Are we out of the woods yet?"

We had another doctor's visit today, and bottom line is that his blood counts is pretty much the same while some of the counts are actually decreasing which raises some concerns.  However, without knowing the root cause, this concerns just stays as concerns.  "Are we there yet, God?" I asked today as I was returning from the doctor's office....  "Can we get this over with so we can move on with lives as Your children, to worship and please You?"

Deep down inside, His answer seems to resonate as, "This is a path I want your family to walk through.  Stay with me."  This is sort of like my saying to my kids on family trips, "Not yet, but we'll be there soon" because I knew how much longer it would take and I knew that once they reach there my kids would enjoy themselves very much.

We are going to stay with Him closely, every turn of the way.  I could sense Ensay's disappointment today also, but I'm just so proud of his positive attitude and continuing to abide in God.  His platelet counts are even lower so he just needs to be very careful about any bruises and cuts even more.

God comforted me from today's devotional passage, 1 Samuel 1:15-17 -- But Hannah replied, "No, my lord, I am a woman oppressed in spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the LORD. Do not consider your maidservant as a worthless woman, for I have spoken until now out of my great concern and provocation." Then Eli answered and said, "Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him."

Despite Hannah's dead-end circumstance, she stayed with God and threw herself at Him.  And as how Eli blessed her, God grants her petition and Samuel is born whom God used mightily in those days.  God says to me, "Go in peace, and I will grant your petition (in My time) so Ensay will be used to bless God's graciousness in his generation.  By the way, his name Ensay, in Korean, means "gracious generation."

e@home: Quiet Spring Break

Many of your well-wishes and prayers are overwhelmingly encouraging us as we are still in a holding pattern not knowing the root cause.  Ensay and the rest of the family members are spending this week quietly at home during their Spring Break.  We had a half-plan of making a family trip but then I caught some serious cold virus and stayed home for two days.  So, this truly became our family's Spring break.

Ensay's been in good spirits, and have been taking care of himself very well; even participated in some running with his swim team.  It's so great to see him not letting the current situation to slow him down.  Reminds me of Joshua and Caleb who did not let the surrounding situation (ten other spies and the people who were so afraid to enter and conquer Canaan) to slow down their faith of serving God.

Dear God, I PRAY that Your presence in His life will bring healing in his soul and body so that he may stand up for You in the years to come.

e@home: Weekly Update 120331

We are so grateful for all of your partnership in prayer for Ensay.  Where would we be without you all?

I wanted to give you a brief update of his condition:

1. The platelet counts are pretty much the same as when he was admitted into ER
2. Two medication treatments doctors prescribed had no effect and they are still seeking for the root cause
3. Bruises on his arms are getting better
4. He attends school but cannot bike to school; cannot participate in the swim team either
5. He is doing well otherwise.  He eats well and has a great attitude about the condition even though it must be frustrating for him without clear direction
6. His next appointment with the doctor is on Friday.

Please continue to pray for Ensay so that God would bring forth His healing power through his life.  Thank you so much!

e@home: We Hear You, Doctor Kaiser

It was pleasant to get a call from the doctor's office at Kaiser today after leaving a voice mail message yesterday and the person was very kind and understanding enough to do her best to help me out.  She said "no guarantees" but she will try to have one of the associate doctors give me a call because Ensay's previous doctor was out of the office.  Later a doctor from that office did call me and walked me through with some information he could find on the system.  I realize they are busy and now that we're not part of Kaiser anymore they are not obligated to call me back, but thanks to your prayers along with us "Doctor Kaiser" was very helpful to us.

The doctor currently overseeing Ensay's case is also very nice and cares very much for Ensay.  We're so fortunate to have such a great doctor.

WOW report -- one of our prayer partners shared this verse with us today:

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you will need only to be still. (Exodus 14:13-14)

which has the same message of standing firm to hold our ground against all the commotion from the enemy.  With so much unknowns, doubts and worries, this verse of assurance in God's provision and deliverance was very timely for us to hang on to.  Be still and know that He is God (who created Ensay in the first place).  WOW!

Reflection on Psalm 42:

1 As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
 

This is the lyrics to one of the olde and yet my favorite praise song.  When I first heard it in my late 20's I was drawn to the musical aspect of this song more and remember teaching myself this song while playing on the guitar.  A few years (!) later, today, I am drawn more to the words of this Psalm because I can picture and relate to the author's sincere crying out to draw closer to God, and to have more of Him especially while going through some very difficult moment (tears have been my food day and night).  Lord, I may feel like You are at a distance, and yet deep down inside I know you are right next to me ... carrying me and my family along.

e@home: Hello Doctor Kaiser

Everyone is doing well at home today.  Ensay went to school and in fact, I can see that he really enjoys going to school to be with his friends and to engage in classes he had missed last week.  Our doctor we saw yesterday was going to contact Ensay's previous doctor at Kaiser hospital but was notified today that they could not readily contact to get his old charts.  So I left a message for the doctor at Kaiser to call me tomorrow asap.  I hope they will deliver the message promptly and for the doctor to contact me.  This chart will give some historical information which may be helpful to analyze the current condition.

e@home: Standing Firm

We made a second visit to the doctor today and his CBC revealed same platelet counts, and the doctor explained some other observations from the lab report but on the whole the current medication is not making much impact.  I am sure I was not the only one feeling a bit let down but God continued to provide a strong sense of hope that He is in full control and overwhelmed me with His peace.

Tonight at my Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) we studied the last part of Ephesian 6 where the following verses brought some insight into the current circumstance.  By any means I'm not relating that this current imbalance in Ensay's system is due to the spiritual attack from Satan but he is lurking around trying to scare us and confuse us with his cunning deceptions to immobilize us whenever we commit to serve God more.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

The word "Finally" grabbed my attention as if Paul (the author of this passage) was saying to me, "It's about time you get this message: Be strong in God because His mighty strength is with you."  And then goes on with the familiar passage about the full armor of God, but here the word "standing firm" jumped out at me because as the lecturer explained that the purpose of this full armor of God is not to engage in a fight with the enemy, but to stand firm (or take my stand) against all sorts of confusing deceptions.


In light of PRAYING for a complete healing, I'm going to start praying for Ensay to wear the full armor of God so that he may stand firm in his spiritual ground with the commitment he's made to Him without being derailed by this deflating condition he is facing right now; and that if this is the devil's scheme, then it will have no place in his life.  He will be the sign of His victory.


WOW Report -- Still many people notify us that they are praying for Ensay!  The doctor overseeing him is very kind, open and very positive about the situation.  That is very encouraging.


Another angel visited out house with a wonderful dinner (which I didn't get to try yet because I went straight to BSF from work).  How are they inspired to do this, I wonder... but very grateful for their generosity and servanthood.


Lastly, the mother duck laid another egg (#2).  WOW.

e@home: Visitors from Above

Everything was calm at the Kimfamily.org home today.  Every day is a blessing.

Some reflection:
As I was having my breakfast this morning I looked out the backyard and noticed a very intriguing shape formed by the leaves of a plant.  I looked again and it sure looked like a dove, or an angel.  It just made me to smile and felt as though God was telling me "I got your back."  You can see the pattern for yourself here.
Isn't it neat to see a hand print of God from nature?

Then as I was walking out the door, I saw a mother duck who found a place in our courtyard to lay her eggs to hatch them, just like we had seen from last year.  Unfortunately I cannot tell if this is the same duck from last year or one of her daughters (they all look alike!) but some how she returned to her nest.

Since the nest is just outside our front door, when I opened the door she jumped out; and when I went back to grab my camera she was about to return back to the "hidden" nest area.  Last year she took 10 little ducklings away so we're anticipating to see how many she will lead away.

For me, dove always symbolized God's Spirit anointing (Jesus when he ascended from the baptism) and so when I saw the pattern in the backyard, it just brought comfort in my heart.  The mother duck was not only a sweet moment of welcoming back the duck, but also a sign of life-giving (to many ducklings) and a joyful time of watching and counting the eggs through the front window.  Today's Life Journal devotion was on Judges 3:9 --  When the sons of Israel cried to the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer for the sons of Israel to deliver them, Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother.  When I cry out to God He not only hears me but will answer me tangibly as He raised up the judge to save the Israelites.  This morning for me was a sign of His listening to my wife and my (and I'm sure my children's) crying to God.  Ensay will make his second visit to the doctors tomorrow and only time will tell the progress he's making and we will patiently await God's work in His own timing; but just knowing the fact that He heard our cries alone is a huge reason to celebrate His greatness and a reason to be joyful in Him.

WOW Report -- At work we had a major service outage as soon as I walked into the office and dragged on for several hours.  There wasn't much I could do as our service provider was experiencing issues.  With so many things going on I could've easily been frazzled but I was covered by a peaceful mind to manage some of the disaster recovery maneuvers until the services were restored.
When I came home a little late, there were delicious food on the dining table and I was told another (human) angel brought them for us to enjoy -- boy did we enjoy it!  WOW.

One of the family who visited us at the hospital last week sent us this picture and comment:

Yesterday on the way home, as we were worried about E...

God's way of reminding us that HE is in control.

e@home: First Sunday Worship

Since last Thursday Ensay's had a large bruised area on his forearm and what almost looked like an infection wasn't really subsiding but as we followed the doctor's recommended icing and bandaging the area, the bruise begin to subside noticeably yesterday and today.

This morning, I had left first to church with my daughter in order to teach my Sunday School class, but just when I was pulling into a parking spot at church I got a call that Ensay begun a nose bleed and it doesn't seem to stop.  So, while my wife was calling the doctor I drove right back home.  By the time I arrived the bleeding did stop and things were ok.  Needless to say, every type of bleeding or bruising is an utmost concern for us and this was no exception.  What a way to start a day of worship.

Today's Life Journal devotion had this passage which was comforting and strengthening:

For by their own sword they did not possess the land,
And their own arm did not save them,
But Your right hand and Your arm and the light of Your presence,
For You favored them. (Psalm 44:3, NASB)

God was speaking to me as though His right hand and strong arm will carry Ensay through, and it will be in His timing and His ways.  I rejoice with God's message to me and His unfailing faithfulness.

WOW Report -- Ensay was ready to go to church once the bleeding stopped, and he wanted to go to the high school worship service instead of staying with me by attending the adult worship.  Even though he is right in the middle of all this, he has a very strong outlook and continues to lean on God.

One of our small group family stopped by to drop off a wonderful dinner for our family.  What a delicious meal it was and at such a perfect time as well.  We had been visited by God's angel.  WOW!

e@home: First Visit with Doctor

With another CBC, we met one of the hematologists overseeing Ensay's condition.  Other than the platelet counts back down to 5k, there were no updates but the doctor did explain deeper into the bone marrow biopsy results which was helpful to us.  He said that over time they can narrow things down but it's a bit too early in the treatment process so we made another appointment early next week to look for more specific indicators.

Waiting open-ended is one of most excruciating things not because of waiting but not knowing how long to wait for.  As I was reflecting on this passage -- Now concerning things sacrificed to idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know; but if anyone loves God, he is known by Him. (1 Corinthians 8:1-3) -- I realized that as much as I desire to have the knowledge of my future, God is not interested in that.  He wants me to be known by Him and be totally satisfied with that alone.  Ensay is known by God for sure and that is not only a total comfort but something to praise God about.

I PRAY that through this journey, Ensay's faith will of knowing that he is known by God solidifies more and more.

wow report -- Still more and more saints are letting us know they are praying for Ensay.  What a privilege it is to be surrounded by so many prayer warriors.

This morning, I was at Silicon Valley Prayer Breakfast (as I am part of the leadership team) event and shared with one of my spiritual mentor about Ensay's condition.  After the event he came up to me and told me that one of his guests who was an officer of the local police department shared that his teenage son had some blood disorder 2 years ago and was on some treatment.  His church and his community service members lifted him up through prayers fervently and six months ago, the doctors basically told them the "disease" is no more.  So when my mentor shared that there is another dad in here who's going through the same thing he took down my son's name and will have the same community of people to pray for him.  That's a wow for sure.

e@home: In Good Spirits

After going to school for two straight days Ensay is in good spirits. He takes ownership of taking medicine on time and also controlling what he is eating because he isn't able to join the swim practices. It is really good to see him sustaining his strengths.

His sisters, who have been super supportive while everything was going on, are also high spirited with his brother back at home. I believe this is what defines a family -- where the members are knit into a fabric that enjoys being around each other (even though at times we disagree or argue with each other) and resists falling apart from each other.

I can testify that my life and outlook had transformed drastically during last 7 days to first re-evaluate what important things in my life is and to count my blessings God has granted. This brought me to have a much grateful and brighter view into the future not just clinging on to what I want to achieve.

God taught me that my life isn't about just being healthy or getting healed from illness but I will live my life fully for God to please Him and to reveal His power working in my life. On this train of thought I am inspired from Joshua's statement in Joshua 14:9 --
So Moses swore on that day, saying, 'Surely the land on which your foot has trodden will be an inheritance to you and to your children forever, because you have followed the LORD my God fully.' -- where he had "fully" followed God to display the inheritance of God through his own life. I long to live a life modeling the focus Joshua had in his life.

e@home: Day 1, Going to School

Today was as normal as if nothing had happened last 6 days as Ensay got up and went to school with his sisters.  He won't be riding his bike to school and participate in swim team for a while but despite the catching up he has to do, he actually was looking forward to school.  Last 6 days were simply a blur just like waking up from a dream.

We are just very, very grateful.

When our small group leader notified the members that Ensay came home, they promptly replied as follows:

• Praise the Lord!  We will keep praying for Ensay.
• Good news indeed! So glad leukemia has been ruled out. We will continue praying!
• Praise God!! So glad to hear!! We will continue to pray for his complete healing and full recovery!!
• Praise God!  Welcome back home, Ensay!  We will continue to pray for you and your family.  With love...
• Yay! We're praying for you Ensay.

It's so wonderful and blessed to have a spiritual home with these lovely saints.

We really appreciate your prayer coverings for Ensay.

e4day6.4

we have officially come home, sweet home!

e4day6.3

just finished our conference with the hematologist overseeing ensay's case.

here are some of the facts:

1. definitely no leukemia detected
2. ITP is half ruled out
3. aplastic anemia most unlikely
4. bone marrow is producing blood cells although a little below normal; could be due to some viral infection
5. he will be on medication for next two weeks which would help to increase the platelets
6. will take time for accurate prognosis and will be checking in to see the hematologist frequently

he won't be swimming for another week at least but will start school tomorrow.

we're all just excited for this progress today and give all the thanksgiving to our God who guided us through based on the prayers of our dear friends.

we will continue to PRAY for:

1. platelets to increase by having his bone marrow factory to function well
2. his protection from any physical impact accidentally
3. no side-effects from the medication he will be on for next two weeks
4. his health would return to normal level so he would return to normal activities.

all of you have been simply wonderful by following us and supporting us through visitations, calls, emails, and most powerfully prayers.  thank you.  i will continue to update this blog with subsequent progress.